The despair of compare

If there is one word of wisdom I can offer you today it’s this: stop comparing yourself to those around you.

The days of keeping up with the Jones or the Smiths are dead and gone. Stop looking at the other guys car, because if you knew the truth of it all, you’d probably be glad to know that you don’t have to pay his monthly lease bill. I have seen it time and time again – especially in tough economic times – the shedding of top end vehicles and full furnished bungalows because the vehicles and properties were never owned by the occupants in the first place. They were owned by the bank.  So stop comparing yourself with others and their stuff.

The only person you should be comparing yourself with is you and your last week, month or year’s performance.

Here are some questions to prime your personal comparison pump -

How far have you come?
What skills have you added to your resource in that time frame?
How much more money have you saved?
How much bad debt have you reduced?
How many credit cards have you cut up?
What have you produced in the past twelve months?
What new mentors have you added to your circle of influence?
What new friends have you added to your circle of peers?
How many people have you positively influenced?
How much money have you given to charity?
How much time or effort have you volunteered for no charge?
Have you grown as a person?
Are you more in love with your spouse and your children than last year?
But don’t’ spend one minute on a comparison analysis with someone else. It’s a total waste of time.

And as someone once told me, ‘If we all put our problems into a hat and then picked out of it someone else’s problems, we’d all ask for our own back.’

Learn to live in a state of dissatisfied satisfaction. Enjoy today, but continue to dream and hope for a better tomorrow. But whatever you do, don’t waste today worrying about what you could have done yesterday. Learn from yesterday, but don’t stay there. Do better today than you did then, and you will be assured of a better tomorrow.

Make it your focus to only compare your today’s efforts with yesterdays – with a constant mission to improve. This will set you up for some hugely successful tomorrows.

And remember this, that to compare yourself with others will only create one thing – despair. Don’t go there!

Goal Sweating

To write a goal is admirable.  Few do it.  But that is only the starting point.

Once you have written your goal – and I like to write it as if it has already been achieved – and attached a date to it when you wish to see it achieved, it is then that the real work begins.

So what do you do next?



1. BROADCAST – Declare your goal to those who support you – your cheer squad. That way you are positioning yourself to be accountable.  You’re committed.

2. DISSECT – Chop your BIG goals into smaller portions with progressive dates set to complete these.  Little by little you are then positioned to possess the goal.

3. PLAN – Create a plan, write it down, and break it up into weekly or even daily sub-goals that you need to achieve along the way, in order to achieve your main goal.

4. EXCEL - If you don’t achieve excellence in the small, then how on earth will you ever expect to do the BIG any better. Those who are faithful with the little will be entrusted with the BIG.

5. EVALUATE - Check yourself along the road towards your goal, and if you are not kicking small goals along the way, you may need to relook at what you’re currently doing and adjust your plan.  It may require some harder, longer or smarter work along the way.

6. PERSIST – Any worthwhile goal is worth the effort. So don’t quit as soon as you’ve left the starting gate. Push through. Surround yourself with the people and the resources to help you to stand above the crowd because of  your persistence.

7. ACHIEVE – Never forget that the sweetest taste that you can ever taste is the sweat of a goal perceived and a goal achieved.

MY CHALLENGE TO YOU TODAY: Write on a piece of paper your next 12 month goals, your five year goals and your ten year goals. Type them up, shrink the typeface, print it off, and carry it in your wallet so that you can pull them out on a daily basis to read and remind you of your commitment to yourself. ACT NOW!

Curbing The Communication Crisis

A friend of mine has recently been on the other end of someone’s communication that suddenly revealed that what the other person had intended for them to know was never clearly communicated. And because my friend’s persistent requests, in the past, to have the matter put in writing, were never carried out, the end result has been a sudden realisation that what the other party meant and what my friend thought they meant were two completely different matters.

Why the matter wasn’t pursued by my friend voraciously was because the other person was their friend. But that in itself was their biggest mistake.

Friend or no friend, it is so important, when it comes to having a working relationship with another human being, that you put in writing your agreement so that both parties understand clearly their part to play in the relationship before signing, and of course before proceeding.

By having it written down, when there is a disagreement at a later date, you both then have something to come back to, as a third party as it were, from which there can be a resolution of the differences without the maladjustment often caused through emotional distortion, but rather a resolution brought about through the observation of facts.

‘To curb’ means ‘to restrain’ or ‘to control’ or ‘to check’.

Communication is so important. It is the basis of all human interaction and it is for this reason that we must learn ‘to control’ it in a way that miscommunication is kept at a minimum in all our relationships.

Here are what I call the ‘Ten Commandments of Curbing The Communication Crisis’.

These are obviously very relevant to the business and work environment, but could be readily applied to any relationship that you embark upon.

1. Find Out What The Other Person Wants.

It is so important to find out exactly what people want. Do this through the art of questioning and listening. When they answer a question then repeat that answer as another question, ‘So by saying (their answer), do you mean (your interpretation of that answer)? Qualify their answers in this manner and there is less chance of misinterpretation. Take notes or record the discussion.

2. Record How You’re Going To Fulfil Their Needs.

After you have found out what they want, then present to them the way that you are going to meet their needs. So for every problem that the other person has provide a solution. Fit your product or service to their requirements. If you can’t, then say so. If you can, say so. The important thing is that you provide a platform for open and clear communication.

It may take more than one meeting to gather all the necessary information, but stick with it until you have covered all bases. Don’t rush the process. The firm foundations constructed at this level of the relationship will alleviate many problems that could eventuate down the track.

3. Have All This Information Clearly Written Out In Full.

Now from those preliminary discussions, formulate a document that represents both the wants and the fulfilled needs discussed in points 1 and 2. Don’t make it a long and drawn out document. Put it into point form.

4. Allow Time For Both Parties To Review The Agreement.

Time is important. Provide a copy of this document to both parties and give them time to review it in private. Set a date to get back together to review the document.

5. Make Any Necessary Changes Until Both Parties Agree.

Both parties should mark changes where they think it is necessary, keeping in mind that win/win is the best policy.


6. Both Parties To Sign The Agreement And Get To Work.

Once all the changes have been made and agreed upon, have a fresh finished document prepared. And only when everybody is happy with it, both sign.


7. Review The Agreement From Time To Time And Adjust It If Necessary.

Things change. Make it a point to regularly review the document from time to time so that those agreed upon changes can be made without too much fuss.

8. Deal With Any Disagreements Promptly With The Document As Your Reference.

Disagreements happen, so when they do arise pull out the document and see where the disagreement lies. This is not a faultfinding exercise. This is an opportunity to make the relationship stronger.

9. If You’re Wrong, Admit It. Fix It And Move On.

If you’re wrong, as per the document, admit it, fix it and keep moving.

10. If You’re Right, Don’t Gloat. Forgive And Forget As You Move On.

If you’re right, act in humility and know that it is quite possible that down the track you could be the one making the mistake

It’s Not What You Say – It’s How You Say

People hate to be told what to do. People rather love to be invited.

We live in a world full of verbal bullies, and I think it’s high time that verbal bullies should be put in their place and liberty be given a greater opportunity to thrive.

These bullies are always ‘telling’. They are always barking orders, and they have never stopped to think about ‘asking’ or ‘inviting’.

It is really pinned around one important thing, and that is the need to develop the ability of showing respect to another human being with our words.

I tell my dog to sit. But when it comes to dealing with fellow human beings, I invite them to sit. I soften the way I speak to them by saying, ‘Would it be alright…’ or ‘How would you feel about….’ Softly, softly as you go.

When people are ‘told’ they may obey, but you will never win friends that way. Because even though they have been told to sit down and they follow your directives, they will be standing up on the inside and talking about you behind your back. And when they see you coming they will be ducking for cover, running away from you in every direction other than yours.

So if you have suddenly been made aware of your bullyish tactics, can I please invite you to stop telling your kids what to do. Stop telling your associates what to do. Stop telling your volunteers what to do. Stop telling your staff what to do. And start inviting people to enjoy the process and the results gained by following your polite and respectful directives.

It will change your life and save the lives of the multitudes from endless heartache as you touch their lives in the future.

Discretion Preservation

There is an ancient proverb that says: ‘When wisdom enters into your heart, and knowledge is pleasant to your soul; discretion will preserve you and understanding shall keep you.’

When you combine both wisdom and knowledge you get common sense. But then add to that formula discretion.

Discretion means the quality of being discreet; circumspection;having judgment that is sound, being prudent, tactful;having the ability to make such judgment; individual freedom of decision or choice.

Let’s take a look at the word circumspection. Circumspection simply means to examine carefully all the circumstances that may effect a determination or a decision and of being wary,vigilant, prudent and cautious.

These are the necessary ingredients for a life lived long and a life lived well; a preserved life that rides through the storms, weathers the winds of change and is kept in good shape as one pursues their dreams.

The old proverb tells us that in being discreet we will be preserved. That means that we will be sustained and that we will be kept or saved from harm or destruction.

In this day and age, where there is so much violence, it is something that is of major importance to those of us who have families.

But what are the characteristics of a discreet life? What qualities must you develop and what habits must you adopt in order to be preserved from those things that threaten your success on a daily basis?

Here are five points that I believe will assist you in your pursuit.

1. Get The Facts

Never rely on hearsay. Go to the source and find out the facts. This relates to anything that you are involved in. Don’t rely on the reporter. Go to the reported. Whether it is investments, motivational formulas, or anything that you are interested in, make certain that you get as many viewpoints as possible and then compare notes. Do your own research and never be reliant on the so-called expertise of another without doing your own personal investigation. The reason so many of us make bad judgements is because we have been mentally lazy.

2. Find A Mentor

Mentors are available everywhere. You will be  surprised how freely information and input is available. People in general are more than willing to share information with those who have a hunger and a willingness to learn. On the internet there are forums that allow you to ask questions and it certainly provides a platform for you to discover your mentor. Once you have found them, make certain that they walk the talk. By spending time with them you will soon discover the truth behind their words and through your friendship you will discover fortunes untold.

3. The 100-1 Rule

I don’t know if it is a law or not, but I have come across this principle time and time again. I recently stumbled across it once again in an investment property book. The writer stated that if you look at 100 properties, put in offers on 10, and try arrange financing for 3, you may end up buying 1. In another industry they recommended that if you talk to 100 people you will ultimately end up with 1 person who will shine above all the rest. Success is a number’s game. Go through the numbers and you cannot but learn and succeed.

4. Be Vigilant

Don’t relax in your success. Guard it wisely. I have seen so many people who have had a taste of success and then they suddenly stop doing what got them success in the first place. They think that once they have it, it will remain forever. Not true. It requires vigilance and diligence. If before you succeeded you read a book 20 minutes a day, then don’t stop. If you attended seminars, then continue doing so. If you talked to a certain number of people each day, then increase it. Whatever it took to get you where you are, then don’t decrease. Multiply your efforts. Work harder. Renew your dream and go for it.

5. Make Your Own Decisions

If you allow others to make decisions for your life, you will wake up one day in a place that you never planned to be. Always, always, always make your own decisions for your own life. Listen to the experts, but don’t let them rule your decisions. Allow them to guide you, but become educated in the area that the experts are operating so that you can then make your own qualified decisions. Again, don’t have a lazy mind. Rather, have a learned mind.

These five discretionary qualities will assist you  in the preservation and the sustainment of a successful life. Apply them today and preserve your freedom to succeed.

Motivational Quote: Discreet lives are preserved for great achievements.